Falling in love with Dave was one thing; amazing, over powering, fulfilling, astounding. Falling in love with my son was that plus a whole other ball of wax. I could sit and gaze at him for hours and never be bored. Every movement, glance, tiny gurgle was fascinating and painfully beautiful. I spent the first few months of his life after birth falling, and falling hard! And not only was I in love with him, but he looked at me like I was the single most amazing person ever created. What a humbling, exhilarating experience to be faced with one's own divinity in the eyes of your child. That's intense.
|Oliver, at about 2-3 weeks old|
And then came the pain. The aching, beautiful, shattering pain of watching him grow, experience something new and be amazed by it, trying to do something new and doing it! Each moment expanding him and expanding me. Sometimes so much so that I get the sensation of bursting into a firework of a thousand pieces. It's exhilarating and shattering at the same time.
|first airplane ride Nov 09|
I suppose in all this love fest a little common light can shine as well. With all the fireworks and expansion also comes the feeling of being pulled in a thousand directions. Wanting to do a whole slew of things that now have to come second to a little munchkin the size of Texas. Of all things, it is perhaps this that is the most challenging. Not being the number one in your own life is, well, not always fun. I do find myself wishing for days, weeks, of completely free time to do anything I want. It doesn't happen much and when it does it is exhilarating!
This past weekend, after a week of teething (parent nightmare!) I was done momming. Dave, fabulous guy that he is, got home on Saturday and sent me on my merry way. An entire afternoon all to myself! Here's the fruits of my ridiculous shopping spree at Joann fabrics:
|Oh so many delightful fabrics!!|
|fabrics for a moleskine cover for Dave|
Then I got some cotton yarn for a dishcloth swap (on swap-bot.com but that's another story) and knit that up:
And then I also started another swap project by cutting out the little pieces of a stuffed rabbit:
This particular pattern can be found here on the purlbee.com if you want to make a little sweet bunny: http://www.purlbee.com/purl-rabbit/
My mother would probably say that I was overextending myself, again, but I really love having all these little things happening. I love having five projects going at once, it makes me feel like I'm multifaceted if that makes any sense. Plus, it's never boring!